Recently become single in London? Here are the six stages all Londoners getting back in the dating game will go through.
January is the most popular month for break-ups, which means there’s likely to be thousands of Londoners getting back into the dating game. If you’re one of them, here are the six stages you’ll go through.
1. Relief or Despair
This is entirely dependent on who did the dumping.
After you’re done sobbing uncontrollably (or thanking your lucky stars), you’ll remember you live in a city with eight million people. You’ll reminisce over all the beautiful strangers you’ve spotted on the tube. Plus, with the popularity of apps like Tinder and Happn, it’s surely easier than ever to find a new boyfriend or girlfriend, right?
It becomes apparent that meeting people is much harder than you imagined. Most of these eight million people are way too shy to speak to strangers. Especially on the tube. Nearly all the hot Tinder guys are only after a hump-and-dump, while the fit Tinder girls are too easily distracted by their half a million other matches.
You find someone worth going out with. Yet, inevitably, you’re based on opposite ends of the city. Your schedules are too consumed with work and other social events. Time to meet each other is tougher to find than a seat on the Central line.
You’ll also struggle to find a decent bar that isn’t packed to the rafters. Or a restaurant that won’t make you queue for hours in the cold.
Soon you learn that London’s dating pool is so huge that the smallest flaw could convince this person there’s someone better out there.
Also, ghosting is 100% acceptable here. Actually telling someone you don’t want to see them again is far too awkward for Londoners.
5. Logistical awkwardness
Maybe you fall for each other. Still, going home together will probably involve a lengthy nightbus or a clueless Uber driver.
Any bedroom activity will almost definitely be overheard by flatmates. Then, there’s the fun of getting home from the deepest darkest depths of Zone 3.
Don’t worry though. Despite all the desperate Tindering, wasted money and hour-long walks of shame, you’ll eventually realise you wouldn’t have it any other way.
A small part of you loves the hustle and bustle of London. You adore that there’s always something to do in this busy sea of brilliant people.
Ultimately, there’s no better city to be single.