In his latest guest post, dating and life coach Johnny Berba explains why flirting is so important and why few guys flirt when meeting women.
Hey guys, how you doing? It’s Johnny.
I have come to the conclusion that many men struggle to attract women for ONE reason only. Flirting.
Most guys don’t flirt!
Flirting is scientific, it’s evolutionary. It’s something every man is born with, but when they meet a new woman most guys don’t flirt because they are afraid to offend. They are afraid to be sexual.
Without attacking any stereotype, I generally find that guys who struggle with flirting are usually in backgrounds that are logical, technical, on the computer, doing deals over the phone etc.
If you’re in a background where you’re logical, you’re finishing work, you’re stuck in numbers, facts and figures and design and techie stuff, you speak to a woman and you think to solve the equation you have got to use mathematical logic. This doesn’t work on women! Scientifically, all the great seducers (Casanova, Johnny Berba, many more) don’t use this.
Why don’t guys flirt?
Guys don’t flirt with women because they don’t know how to flirt, they are too afraid to flirt and they are too much of a ‘nice guy’.
They are afraid of rejection. They don’t do it because they are afraid of people watching them. They don’t do it because their friends are going to get offended. We have got to get past all that and make a decision.
This is the reason you’re not attracting women. This is the reason you’re not enjoying your conversations. Do you want to spend the rest of your life being a LOSER because you’re not doing what is in you and not fulfilling your potential? Or do you want to have hot women?
You’ve got to learn to do this. An average-looking guy like me from a council estate with no qualifications and was a virgin until age 21 – I learnt this stuff and I want to share it with you. This is what I share on my bootcamps. This what I share on my six-week programs. This is what I’m teaching.
How to flirt SUCCESSFULLY
The great thing is intelligence doesn’t attract a woman alone. Concentrate on emotion, captivating her emotions, creating romance, creating controversy.
You have to take risks. You have to be controversial, not rude or insulting. Not one woman I’ve been up to has been insulted or got mad. They’ve all laughed. It is a feel-good factor.
When we flirt, we have to get into areas that make us uncomfortable. That’s how we get comfortable. I know what it’s like because I used to be nervous, socially awkward. I didn’t want to have my opinion. I didn’t want to express my words out. Women can sense this.
Men are logical. We can use smalltalk. We don’t care, we’re guys, we’re lazy. When you are talking to a woman, you have got to be passionate, you have got to enjoy it, you’ve got to want to be there.
You have got to say what you want to say, not what you think she wants to hear. When you go down that route, you end up saying stupid boring stuff like “How long have you been at your job for? Have you been to the latest exhibition? Have you been to America?”
It just doesn’t come off. You have got to get straight to the point.
The worst that’s going to happen? The woman is busy or has a boyfriend. The majority of my conversations are going to go well. Because I’m in the habit of being myself and practicing this, I’m going to meet women. When you don’t practice this and treat every conversation as a formal meeting with a woman, you’ll never get them attracted to you.
Women love guys who flirt
Ninety per cent of the girls appreciate it, but you have to go for it. You have to trust yourself.
When guys think about complimenting a girl but aren’t sure, it’s not going to happen. You’re not going to flirt. There is going to be a block. Flirting is about following your intuitive feeling for a woman and acting on your attraction. The first thing is being direct, verbalising it.
“Hi there, I think you look fantastic. I think you look lovely. I think you’re attractive. I think you’re amazing, you’re beautiful.”
Get it out, tell them!
Secondly, add a little bit of small talk, have a conversation, just to build a little bit of rapport, just so they know you’re not a crazy guy and you’re safe.
“How are you feeling? How you doing?”
Wait for her to answer the question then pick something out that you like (hair, smile, eyes).
I use the term “will you marry me” because it’s something I enjoy to do. You can do that, but it doesn’t really matter what you say. It just matters that you are in the habit of flirting.
Touching is important as well. If you want to see more advanced stuff, check out my members area where I pick up a Russian girl and break all the down all the keys to flirting, being sexual, touching and I get her phone number.
I hope that helps. Remember guys stop being logical, be emotional and flirt.
If you want to get my help, check out my website www.johnnyberba.com. All the information is on there on how I can help you and what programs I offer.
Johnny Berba is a one of the leading dating and life coaches in the UK. He coaches men how to conquer anxiety and attract women naturally.